Fallen Leaves.

Do you ever have those restless nights where your thoughts decide to run marathons? You know the kind. Where your brain won't stop perseverating over a particular subject no matter how hard you tell yourself to stop thinking about it. Where it continues to fester and absorb all space in your head, causing you to roll in circles trying to make yourself comfortable.  

That was me last night. 

And this morning, when my first alarm went off at 5:20am, my mind immediately resumed the obsession with said subject. Knowing there was no way I could catch sleep again, I decided to utilize this active time and find peace with my thoughts. 

To the coffee shop I went. Journal in hand and go-to books in the other, I parked myself on the couch and got to venting. 

It was quite an emotional session. There were tears, exclamations filled with confusion, hurt, anger, and lots of time for self-examination.

My journal was the only one to witness such emotional disarray, and although it didn’t offer me verbal support, I felt immediately relieved, written thoughts looking back at me with clarity and truth.

(Course the coffee helped too).

There I was, alone on the cosy couch, a girl who spent the previous night in a tearful state, and who woke determined to make a change.

If I’ve learned anything about this particular subject I continue to be drawn into, it’s that there's no point in hanging onto the thing that does not want you.

I'm a golden leaf clinging to an autumn tree. I know that it is my time to let go, to float down and fly to the next place.

And writing and reading, although simple, was all it took for me to realize this. There were also lots of girl sessions with my co-workers, but at the end of the day, I had reined in my thoughts, deciphered that they were basically spun into over-thinking snowballs, and I moved forward.

Heck, I was lucky enough to see a complete double rainbow too. That has to mean something!

From a fellow writer Madisen Kuhn, author of eighteen years, one of those go-to books I had with me...

if you're laying in bed, wrapped up in sheets of miserable thought, go to sleep

if thumbing through old messages only causes your heart to ache and long for something unattainable, erase them

if it hurts to keep everything you're feeling bottled up inside, let it out

if you're clinging onto someone that doesn't treat you like you're worth the world, let them go

because sometimes we choose to believe that things are only indistinguishable shades of grey when in reality, life is more black and white than it seems

if you're unhappy with the way you are living your life, change it.