Hot Off The Press

I asked my mom the other day why I had the best sleep I've had in months and she simply replied:

It's because you're home.

I guess that was all the answer I needed. Cuddled under my white 1950's chenille bedspread atop my early 1900's hand carved wooden bed, with Fudge curled up at my feet and Alaskan sunshine pouring through my open window, it shouldn't surprise me that this is where I have my best rests.

That's home for you. And I've gotta say, it's good to be back.

It has not been an easy move to California and despite world-class hurdles and many tear filled and isolated pity parties in my room (which I still continue to struggle with), I’ve had an opportunity to sit and look back on my five months in Cali from a different perspective, from the comfort of my home.

Being back in the hometown that raised me and with the people that remain my #1 biggest supporters (Mom, Dad, Fudge), I've had the chance to relax and look back on all my time from a relaxed and open-minded perspective.

I just took one big risk, moving from the comfort of home to the traffic clogged often brutally hostile parts of the city, a risk that has tested my strength and confidence in myself.

It was a big risk, but what I didn’t realize at the time and what I’m now accepting was that even though it was a risk, it was a healthy one.

See, healthy risk is the true muscle of confidence building. Moving from a familiar place that spoiled me and raised me to the woman I am now and landing in a new territory 3000 miles away got me out of my comfort zone, which enabled me to stretch myself and my expectations. That move, unbeknownst to me, was an example of my strength and unbeknownst to me, it was a mature decision that should’ve built my confidence.

Instead, I focused on all the negative, having a poor attitude and not trusting myself and my decisions. As a result of this narrowed mindset, I became trapped, stuck, and insecure with who I was.

Perspective is a powerful filter and like the blinds I use to let the Alaskan sunshine pour through my windows every morning, it's time that I let them up and start to see the world from a different point of view, one that isn’t deterred by my lack of confidence and insecurity.

I am in a unique place in my life where I can continue to struggle with my situation and my negative mindset, or I can change it. I have all the power here.

Feeling sad, depressed, confused, pitiful, insecure and low all the time is exhausting and it's not who I am, nor whom I’m meant to be.

As usual, it took a trip home to splash my senses and appreciate just how good I’ve got it in California and how much stronger and wiser I'll be once I come out of my funk and see things with new eyes.

In the meantime, I'm going to soak up every last minute I've got in this spendid and cozy home of mine, and I'll continue to let that Alaskan sunshine pour through my window, reminding me of the brave choice I've made to see things from a new and improved perspective...

They say it's frightful bad luck to bring a woman aboard.

I say that it's bad luck for all the men aboard because the women haul in all the fish and the men are typically left blaming the women for their apparent lack in luck because sometimes men have had a history of doing just such a thing.

Mhmm.

Soooooooo I'm back home in Alaska.

Having spent my first summer away from the 49th state, I can say with confidence that it won't be happening again.

Not only have I been incredibly homesick since I first left for the big city, but it's been hard to be away from a place that blossoms in summer. Abundant hiking, hunting, gardening, and fishing.

Fishing is what we Alaskans do best and so on my first day back home, that's precisely where my dad took me.

It was a picture perfect day on the water. The sky was clear, the sun was out, and the ocean was calm except for the curvy swells our boat dipped into.

It was swell (pun intended).

The fishing wasn't as such. Aside from me bringing in two teeny 'buts and one heinous looking Irish Lord, we were getting severely robbed.

I have never been a participant in such a robbery before. We went through a TON of bait and despite seasoned fishing techniques, we were unsuccesful in reeling them in. It was like they were mutant fish that had evolved into avoiding getting caught.

Great for them, but not great for us!

Despite being burglarized by 'buts, we had a wonderful afternoon on the water. All four volcanos were visible (Douglas, Augustine, Iliamna, and Redoubt) and I was smack dab in the middle of one of the prettiest places on earth: in Kachemak Bay on the Proud Mary.

Home.