There's this sign that hangs in our kitchen I have the pleasure of seeing every morning. It reads:
Today I will live in the moment... unless it's unpleasant in which case I will eat a cupcake.
Well, yesterday just so happened to be one of those immensely unpleasant days.
Since moving to Walnut Creek, I've struggled to settle down. I want to be transparent with you, as honest as possible, and I have to say, this move has really tested who I am. On multiple occasions, I've doubted myself and what I want, reacted too quickly in uncertainty, and gone through my fair share of personal growth journeys that are the kind that you write in your journal through tear stained eyes and a blubbering soundtrack.
It has not been easy. I find myself struggling to come to terms with the uncertainty of my life right now, as I've always had a plan, a crutch, a safety valve there when I need to turn it on.
This time though?
I moved from Alaska to California without a job, managed to move myself into an apartment and problem solve and do things on my own (like putting up art and putting together a bloody grill), and all the while, I have the pressure of finding a job and making a living.
One of the blessings of this up and down chapter of my life though, is that I have a support team. My mom, just a phone call away, my journal, which has been so generous and patient through my many mood swings, and my roommates, who force me to not sit on the pity pot and who can sense when I need a little cheering up.
So yesterday, after news of another job prospect not working out, my roommate Siobhan and I looked at my sign in the kitchen and both decided that it would be a cupcake day.
Since it's spring, we both put on our springiest ensembles (florals, because how can you not), and walked down to Kara's Cupcakes for a much needed sweet treat.
We were greeted with the sweet aroma of baking, the delightful sight of little frosted cupcakes enticing us to have more than one, and a Beauty and the Beast song playing in the background.
It was meant to be.
We took our cupcakes (yes, plural) over to the park, and together, sat amongst the flowers and enjoyed our little splurges in the sun.
Boy did it help. On days like yesterday, I have to remember that all of these situations, as unpleasant and as draining as they might be, are all lessons learned and opportunities for me to grow from. It's hard to accept that when you've got what appear to be insurmountable obstacles, but I'm finding that there are silver linings in all of the choices I've made thus far, and they're slowly helping me find out who I am, what I want, and what I'm made of.
And I always know that when the next unpleasant day comes along, I've got a group of people who support me by my side and the option to have a cupcake.
Which you know I'll always eat.