So I have this calendar, a particular calendar that's made by Curly Girl and on the month of July, there lies a most fitting and fated message.
Enjoy the simple victory of being exactly where you are.
With summer in full swing, it's now more than ever that I've been receiving the usual barrage of questions about what I'm going to do once summer is over.
Am I moving to the lower forty-eight? Do I have a job? What do I want to do?
The simple response?
I don't know.
It's not like I haven't been trying.
Last month, I made a stop in Los Angeles and interviewed for a social media position. Halfway through the interview, I realized that this was not the job for me.
Which is fine! At least I figured out what I don't want to do.
But at the same time, it brings me back to square one. For awhile, I had been planning this extravagant road trip to take place next month with the anticipation of moving to California but at this point, I have nothing to go for.
Course, I could go down, move into a place, start to go broke, forcing me to get a job (most likely a barista position because an AA degree doesn't get you far "apparently"), but how much better off would I be than here?
In response, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. Through that, I've thrown pity parties in my bedroom, cried at my lack of direction, taken comments personally in regards to "living at home", and have struggled with figuring out my next step.
So I decided to stop. Looking at my calendar every morning, I made the decision to stop. To discontinue my stressful searching, to appreciate the little steps I've taken for my future (which sometimes include interviews for jobs that you realize aren't your cup of tea), and I've begun alleviating this unnecessary pressure I've put on myself.
I'm young. I'm a mere twenty-one years old (ok, almost twenty-two) and like the majority of other twenty-one year olds out there, I don't know what to do next. And that's OK. I have my entire life ahead of me, at my beck and call, and I am learning to utilize this time at home to really focus on where I want to go with all of my heart. I know I'm not meant to spend my life here in Alaska, but that doesn't mean I'm going to run off with the wind without an idea as to where to go or what to do. I've got time.
And I truly believe that being here, in this present moment at home, is meant to be. My mom is opening up a coffee shop in a train car and she wants my help in running it. What an opportunity for me! Course, if a job pops up tomorrow in the lower forty-eight, I'm bouncing on that train real quick, but in the meantime, I'm going to follow my calendar's advice and enjoy the simple victory of being exactly where I am.
To do that? I have to smile. Through my many moments of weakness, through the middle of my karaoke pity party, and through those times where I'm doubting my very abilities to do anything of importance.
"You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile."