A Sign.

My look today was inspired by a carwash.

Big sudsey colorful bubbles, the smell of clean soap, and in this particular carwash, a vibrant outside wall in rainbow colors and designs.

See, it's a thing to pose in front of colorful walls. In case you haven't noticed the bombardment of aesthetic walls crowding your Instagram, now you know.

But I'm not one to follow something if it's a "thing." Sure, I love me an artsy wall and appreciate a pop of color on normally boring backdrops, but it's turned into this trend and naturally, I shy away from such things when they're popular. 

Today though, I wanted my picture in front of this carwash I had driven by so many times before and always wished to pose in front of. 

Thinking that day was today, I came prepared in a red ensemble and was met with disappointment. 

First, there were people in the way.

Fine, I'll come back.

Then, the sun was casting funky shadows and it was simply not working.

It was a sign that it simply wasn't meant to be. So we drove around Homer (where this carwash was), trying to scope out another spot, when I got a sign.

No seriously, it was an actual sign. 

And it wasn't a normal sign either.

It had my name on it.

So if this wasn't meant to be, I don't know what is!

Circumstances continually remind me of who I am and my purpose: I'm meant to stand out and not go with the flow.

Instead, I'm meant to find my own funky backdrop... that coincidentally had my name on it. 

And when the universe gives you signs like these? You take pictures in front of them.

My Valentine.

My Valentine's Day began with a bath. After soaking in luxurious bubbles amidst a candle lit setting, I then slipped into my finest vintage pink ensembles, in celebration of this lovely day.

As I went into town and picked up my traditional apple fritter and accompanying cup of coffee, one of the baristas at 602 jokingly asked how I would be spending my day.  

 “You going to spend it with your cat?”  

 Boy she had no idea how correct she was.

See, I haven't had the best history with Valentine’s Day. Since the early years of my childhood, I’ve always felt left out.  

Every year, I would hope that on this day, my crush would magically put a Valentine in my locker, and every year, I was sorely disappointed.  

As my school years transitioned into adulthood, I continued to be let down by the lack of attention I wished out of the universe.

To this day, I continue to hope that one of my crushes will satiate my desire and wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. I wait in line at the grocery store and look longingly at the bouquets of flowers purchased for someone special, imagining myself on the other end, flowers purchased for me by someone special. 

Alas, my crushes are nearly all married (or engaged, or about to have a baby, or in some form of serious relationship that is not with me), and of those who are not in the above? Well, they’re simply not thinking about me.  

But do you know who is thinking about me?  

Me.  

Valentine’s to me, is a celebration of love. And a celebration of love does not have to be about having a romantic partner, or a significant other. If I’ve learned anything about my continued disappointments year after year, it’s that love doesn’t just come from having a special someone. Love is all around. Love comes from family, friends, my cat (especially my cat), and most importantly: from me.  

Society has taken romantic relationships and twisted it from a good thing into the ultimate thing, something to aspire towards. It's marketed in such a way that if you're single, you're not able to experience the flowers, and the chocolate, and the gifts, and the smothering of I love yous and kisses. It plays on your insecurities, makes you feel like you're missing out.

But my life is complete right now, with or without a boyfriend, and in celebration of that, I’m going to give myself all the love I have because I can, and it’s good for me.

The love I feel right now for myself, my life, and for those special someones around me (which aren’t romantic partners), has far more of an impact on my happiness than the idea of someone buying me flowers or wishing me a Happy Valentine. That’s validation from an outside source and why long for something I “don’t have” when I do have all this love surrounding me, from family, friends, and me?  It's in a different form, but it's love, nonetheless.

I was my own Valentine today, treating myself to sweets, and a latte cups of joe. I treated myself to lunch, partook in my most desired Veuve Clicquot champagne, wished myself a Happy Valentine’s Day, and I chose to celebrate the spirit of love as it is, and not how it’s marketed to be.