I received a small package in the mail the other day.

Like a little schoolgirl, I raced upstairs with my box and flung through the wrapping to get to what was beneath all the plastic packaging.

The item itself wasn’t very big.

It was black.


The type of garment to be worn underneath clothing, but more importantly: it was for my eyes only.

I slipped into it, one leg here, the other leg there, clasping the back, adjusting some things, and when I turned around to face the mirror, a big smile broke across my face as I ran my eyes over my new delight.

What followed next was a show only I had the pleasure of witnessing. Feeling confident and beyond sexy in my new little ensemble, I posed and danced like I was backstage at a Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

I looooooove lingerie, always have.

When I was younger, people often asked me what my favorite type of clothes to wear were and my response was always: men’s clothes and lingerie

Being single my entire life and not really present in the dating scene never really stopped me from buying scandalous undergarments. I grew up practicing acts of self-love and part of that involved treating myself and wearing things that made me feel pretty and self-assured.

It’s funny because lingerie has a long history of being designed for a man’s pleasure. Victoria’s Secret was actually founded because the creator (a man) felt uncomfortable in most lingerie departments and thought that the terry cloth hideous printed undergarments of the time weren’t appealing.

So lingerie is often associated with wanting to please not the intended wearer,  the female, but for the man.

I have no issue with women wanting to please men, I just have an issue with the idea that lingerie should be worn specifically for a man’s desire; and nowadays, it seems to be marketed specifically for sex, not for boosted self-esteem or because women want to feel good about themselves.

I stand from the unique perspective of having rarely (and I mean rarely) worn lingerie for another man. I’ve had infrequent occasions to warrant such frivolity so I have only known what it feels like to wear these undergarments for myself.

Wearing sexy lingerie, to me, is an act of self-love. I wear it because it makes me feel provacative and beautiful without needing a man’s validation. I wear it because I relish the feeling of walking in public wearing such items with me being the only one who knows this secret.

On top of all that though? Wearing lingerie is a form of self-expression. Like the music you listen to, and the movies you watch, what you put on your body, despite it being seen or not, is an expression of who you are. Whether you’re a lacy red gal, or a black granny panty type of woman, how you express yourself stylistically starts with undergarments, which can be both practical and alluring to look at.

When we take the time to adorn our body, our homes, in garments that make us look and feel beautiful, our self-esteem rises and that to me is more attractive than the actual look of the lingerie itself.

As confident as I am in my new divine lingerie set, I won’t attach photos, because it’s my secret until I decide to share otherwise.

But I want you to remember this: lingerie should be intended to make women feel empowered and sexy about who they are and not interpreted as something to be worn sorely for someone else. Your confidence in what you’re wearing (or not wearing, come to think of it) is far more attractive than that dainty underwear and bra set you have on..