Smitten with a Kitten.

So… not how my night was going to go, but I recently ended up with a two week old kitten.

There I was, working an ordinary Tuesday evening, and out of the blue, two gals who are very involved in the animal community asked if I would like to foster a kitten.

A photo had just been sent of this fragile baby, who was found in an abandoned barn, and she needed somewhere to sleep for the night. A somewhere that wasn’t the frigidity of an old barn nor the loneliness of the pound.

Having a soft spot for animals, especially of the feline variety, I hesitated, still. I had been asked before, but inexperience in fostering held me back.

But it’s the season of giving and I couldn’t allow a baby kitty who spent her first few weeks in a barn without a safe place to sleep, so it didn’t take long before I succumbed. Plus, her big round eyes. I mean, how could I resist?

Changing plans (not that I had wild Tuesday night plans anyway, unless you count a glass of wine and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel wild..), I made my way over to the home where she had been dropped, and along the way, I received a call.

Apparently, the kitten was younger than we thought. Instead of five weeks old, she was instead two.

Two weeks old.

Weighing less than 1 pound.

Now in my care.

Oh boy. Or I guess I should say “oh girl.”

After picking her up in the confines of a warm blankie, I made my way over to another cat woman's house, heart melting at the purrfect purrs coming out of this little body now in my lap.

Arriving naïvely, I was given the lowdown, the very extensive and stressful lowdown that comes with taking care of a neonatal kitten.

• Feedings every 2-3 hours, a formula given by syringe into her mouth

• Wiping of the genital area to help encourage her to go to the bathroom

• A heated blanket to keep her warm at night, as kittens do not yet have temperature regulators

Nooooooo pressure or anything.

Arriving at my house in a flurry of food formula, heated blankets and a teeny tiny kitten who had been through so much in her short weeks of living, I was met with my own cat, who was very unhappy.

Coming home with someone else in my arms made my cat uneasy and jealous, especially as this new kid on the block was now hogging all the attention.

In the next few hours, I crammed myself with all I could from Hannah Shaw, THE Kitten Lady.

Videos on how to feed properly, information regarding sleep and regularity of feeding, and then finally, I laid to rest with a two week old kitten beside me in her warm carrier.

If I thought that was the end of my night, boy was I wrong.

Aside from waking up every three hours to meticulously mix her formula with warm water and patiently feed her with a syringe (careful not to go too fast), I spent a long hour hunting through the house wearing nothing but boxers in search of my own cat, Guji. Crying from exhaustion and stress and frustration that I didn’t have her with me in bed, I tore through the house in topless confusion, until I finally found her hiding behind my curtains.

I did not get a lot of sleep that night and in the morning, I felt a little bit of sweet relief when I gave her to another foster family with a mama cat that could nurse her best.

And I realized just how much work it was to take care of little ones.

I have mad respect for foster families, this showed me that. The generosity, the patience, the kindness, the strength and the hard work of foster parents and their families is often unrecognized and after this one night with a kitten, I realized that they need more recognition for all that they do.

Being smitten with a kitten is one thing, but caring for it and helping it grow healthy and properly is entirely another.

Exhausted from just one night of caring for something so small, it opened my eyes to the possibility of being part of this community of folks that open their hearts and their homes to those who are helpless or lost.

Course, I’ll have to check with Guji first…

A Dream.

I had a dream the other night.

Now before your mind starts to wander and think saucy scandalous scenes (cause that’s definitely where my mind would go!), let me stop you.

Whilst the dream did, in fact, have a man in it, the impression it left on me was nothing less than innocent.

(or so I’ll tell you)

*wink wink

No, but seriously.

Lingering on my mind for the rest of the day in the form of rosey red cheeks, I began to think of possible ways as to why it left such an imprint on me.

It wasn’t the subject of my dream, per say, it was the context and how it made me feel during my waking hours.

Basically, in my dream, I wound up at this guy’s house (whom I actually know in real life but don’t know) and stayed the night, in his bed. Thinking he would stay on his side and me on mine, I was surprised that he rolled over and slung his long arms around me, pulling me close. Cuddled tight, all I remember feeling was this blanket of warmth coming from his body heat. I felt security, I felt safe, and when I woke up to the cold reality of having no one by my side (save for my cat, who was making herself quite comfortable on my chest), it made me long for that embrace for the rest of the day.

The harsh truth is that I’ve never really experienced that before with someone. Sure, there’s the few “one night stands” I’ve had (which for me were adult sleepovers but without the adult shenanigans) but when spooning and cuddling did occur, I felt like they weren’t doing it because they cared about me and wanted to hold me tight, but because they thought it’s what girls wanted.

And hell yes that’s what I wanted! And still want.

Obviously. I’m dreaming about it!

Trying to decipher what the meaning of this dream could be, I looked to the online for guidance on possible interpretations.

1.) Dreaming of cuddling could mean I’m thinking about making my relationship perfect, as I fantasize about enjoying this ideal experience (likely not applicable to me considering I’m not in a relationship..)

2.) Perhaps I have a crush on said person (which could be true, but is it because I like like him or because I don’t have anyone else to dream about?)

3.) It could mean I focus on the fantasy instead of the reality (truth)

4.) Likely means I’m desirous for physical contact or strong need to be cuddled by someone and he happened to be the last guy I talked to the day before (TRUTH)

I know deep down that this all ties to loneliness. It always does.

And frankly, I’m lonely.

Maybe it’s this time of year where seemingly every single Christmas song I hear is about being with your lover (and mistletoe and cuddles by the fireplace), maybe it’s that time of month where my body is hinting at me that it’s time to procreate (can I get an amen ladies? And gents, I’m sure y’all feel it too), or maybe my dream is just revealing to me the harsh truth that I am, in fact, lonely, and no amount of ignoring it or wishing it away is going to change the fact.

While I don’t have a cure for loneliness, I know that at this point in my life, I’m at least aware of the difference between need and want out of this lone part of me.

I am not feeling loneliness because I need a man for validation, completion, compliments, and emotional support, I’m feeling loneliness because while I know I’m a boss ass single independent woman, I’m at the stage where I simply want and desire the company of someone else (especially in bed, it seems!).

It’s hard to do it all by myself all the time, and the craving for physical contact is REAL, especially when I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing it with someone who cares about me and me about them.

Though this dream still makes my cheeks fire up like a steam locomotive, I can’t feel bad or embarrassed that the only “action” I’m getting is in my dreams.

Because you know what they say about dreams..

Sometimes, they really do come true.