Thank You, and Goodnight!

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel has been an absolutely fabulous show to binge on the last few days.

So fabulous, that in bed last night, it distracted me from the time change as we left the year 2018 and entered the year 2019.

Must be pretty addicting if it distracted me from celebrating such a momentous occasion!

What’s not to love though?

The costumes, the music, the sets, the humor.

It’s such a nice, airy, funny, feminine show that follows a gal’s journey as she discovers her hidden talent at stand up comedy, during a sexist time in American history.

So, like, today?

Anyhow, this particular show got me to thinking about my own personal journey.

Not into stand up comedy, but a journey that involves following my own dream.

I see myself a lot in Midge.

Not in a divorced, living in New York City, posting up at nightclubs talking about sex and Jewish traditions kind of way, but in a storytelling sense.

Midge’s comedic routines are stories about her relationships: with her parents, her friends, her ex-husband, her work, and herself.

And much like Midge, my content also comes from my relationships: with my parents, my friends, my non-existent ex-husband, my work, and myself.

Watching this particular show during the transition into the new year got me to thinking about what I hoped to obtain in 2019.

2018 was great, don’t get me wrong, but it was definitely a year of making mistakes and growing from them. Now that I have the knowledge to know what I need to do in order to be happy, I’m looking forward to the near year with a newfound optimism.

I’m a single, soul-searching 23 year old woman who’s always been a single, soul-searching (not 23 year old) woman, but the thing that’s gonna really make the difference this year is my perspective on what that entails.

Now that I’m home, in a place that I’m happy in, I can start looking at the opportunity around me that I missed the last few years.

I’m learning to embrace my singledom, get comfortable with the woman I am, and I’m gonna follow my dream of editing my own magazine, whilst sharing my experiences with mu audience, much like Midge Maisel.

With that, I’ll tip my hat to you and look forward to the new year.

Like Midge says at the end of her set, thank you, and goodnight!

Home for the Holidays.

It’s ironic how many times I’ve been asked if I’m home for the holidays.

Though kids my age are still technically in college (pursuing their masters degrees in the hopes of delaying the inevitable curtain opening to the real world), it’s a question that used to annoy me, but now delights me.  

Where I used to awkwardly laugh and shyly explain that yes, I was not only home for the holidays, but home in an anxious attempt to figure out my life, I now smile real big, eyes bright, and tell them that no, I am not back home for the holidays. I am back home for good.  

 It has been nearly two months since I officially moved home from the over-priced, over-crowded, over-snooty state of California to the small town of Soldotna, a fishing community smack dab in the center of the Kenai Peninsula. A community that not only raised me, but shaped and molded me into the woman I am today.

Since being home, I’ve done a lot of thinking, reflecting back on my behavior from the last couple of years, and I’ve noticed some changes in my perspective from then to now.

Changes such as: how I perceived mundane everyday activities in the place I lived in, how I socialized with friends, neighbors, and acquaintances in my community, and my attitude about my current chapter in life.

In the short time I’ve been back home in Alaska, I can already feel my California adventure working it’s magic on reaffirming my decision to move home.

They’re subtle changes, but they’re there nonetheless.

Take for instance, being at home. Two years ago, I was lost and without direction. I was living at home, unhappy at where I was going, uncertain about my future, and perpetually feeling like I was a failure, a twenty-one year old failure. Now though? I’m using my time here to refresh and save for my own place (of which I’m currently looking into). I’m also taking advantage of spending time with my family, of home cooked meals, and quality time with my cat.

Socializing? Where once I avoided talking to people like the plague, embarrassed at having to explain to everyone my uncertain chapter in life, I now feel no shame in sharing my return home. I relish talking about my role up at Whistle Hill and my magazine updates (of which I am also currently looking into).

Lastly, my attitude about my current status in life is for once, in a long time, looking optimistic. I’m learning to accept and embrace my independence, I’m delving back into the things that made me most happy and of which I was without in California, and I’m slowly getting back in touch with the girl I used to know, who traveled through a rough patch and is on the way to wondrous times.

There are moments of doubt, sure, as I think a little insecurity, uncertainty, and bouts of loneliness still remain in my thoughts, but deep down, I know this was the right decision to make and I know that I must continue to focus on what brought me back here in the first place, and not worry about what anyone else thinks about it.

And most importantly? I need to stop comparing. I learned a long time ago that picture perfect put together lives of my friends weren’t as picture perfect put together as their Instagram layouts had me believe. We’re all going through rough chapters, uncertain chapters, wtf chapters in which we’re seriously doubting our purpose, and no amount of editing and picky choosing of the best moments of our lives can change the fact that we’re all youngins struggling to make it work.

So yes, I am home for the holidays.

But on top of that, I am home in Alaska for good.