Secret.

I received a small package in the mail the other day.

Like a little schoolgirl, I raced upstairs with my box and flung through the wrapping to get to what was beneath all the plastic packaging.

The item itself wasn’t very big.

It was black.

Sheer.

The type of garment to be worn underneath clothing, but more importantly: it was for my eyes only.

I slipped into it, one leg here, the other leg there, clasping the back, adjusting some things, and when I turned around to face the mirror, a big smile broke across my face as I ran my eyes over my new delight.

What followed next was a show only I had the pleasure of witnessing. Feeling confident and beyond sexy in my new little ensemble, I posed and danced like I was backstage at a Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

I looooooove lingerie, always have.

When I was younger, people often asked me what my favorite type of clothes to wear were and my response was always: men’s clothes and lingerie

Being single my entire life and not really present in the dating scene never really stopped me from buying scandalous undergarments. I grew up practicing acts of self-love and part of that involved treating myself and wearing things that made me feel pretty and self-assured.

It’s funny because lingerie has a long history of being designed for a man’s pleasure. Victoria’s Secret was actually founded because the creator (a man) felt uncomfortable in most lingerie departments and thought that the terry cloth hideous printed undergarments of the time weren’t appealing.

So lingerie is often associated with wanting to please not the intended wearer,  the female, but for the man.

I have no issue with women wanting to please men, I just have an issue with the idea that lingerie should be worn specifically for a man’s desire; and nowadays, it seems to be marketed specifically for sex, not for boosted self-esteem or because women want to feel good about themselves.

I stand from the unique perspective of having rarely (and I mean rarely) worn lingerie for another man. I’ve had infrequent occasions to warrant such frivolity so I have only known what it feels like to wear these undergarments for myself.

Wearing sexy lingerie, to me, is an act of self-love. I wear it because it makes me feel provacative and beautiful without needing a man’s validation. I wear it because I relish the feeling of walking in public wearing such items with me being the only one who knows this secret.

On top of all that though? Wearing lingerie is a form of self-expression. Like the music you listen to, and the movies you watch, what you put on your body, despite it being seen or not, is an expression of who you are. Whether you’re a lacy red gal, or a black granny panty type of woman, how you express yourself stylistically starts with undergarments, which can be both practical and alluring to look at.

When we take the time to adorn our body, our homes, in garments that make us look and feel beautiful, our self-esteem rises and that to me is more attractive than the actual look of the lingerie itself.

As confident as I am in my new divine lingerie set, I won’t attach photos, because it’s my secret until I decide to share otherwise.

But I want you to remember this: lingerie should be intended to make women feel empowered and sexy about who they are and not interpreted as something to be worn sorely for someone else. Your confidence in what you’re wearing (or not wearing, come to think of it) is far more attractive than that dainty underwear and bra set you have on..

Icy a Lovely Day Ahead.

About six months ago, during a tumultuous time in California, I was shopping with my friends in Downtown LA and I stumbled across a journal.

I’m a writer, and aside from writing on my blog, I keep a personal journal, of which I’m now on my 50th. So when I come across a book with empty lines just waiting for my pen to dance her way through them, I often buy them.

I’ve come across many stylish journals in my lifetime, but this particular journal caught my eye. It was unique in the fact that it was titled, and the title was The Five Minute Journal.

I have a tendency to stay away from prompted journals, but this simple plain cover enticed me to flip through its pages and take a look within.

At the time, I was going through some rough patches with a particular boy of mine and needed something, anything , to help me through it.

It appeared as if this journal was the answer.

Basically, I answered questions within the journal once in the morning and then once at night, per the instructions. The questions were simple, but they forced me to think on the positive elements of my day. The idea was that by consistently writing in this journal everyday, I would find myself creating new habits that allowed me to reflect upon my routine from a positive perspective.

Which ultimately increases happiness.

Even though I have long since finished the journal (it doesn’t take me that long), I found that a new mental habit had been created from this diary.

And yesterday, a perfect example of this presented itself.

I was at work, training one of the new girls at the coffee shop, and I had the misfortune of experiencing one of the most brash and churlish customers.  She came in with a discourteous air and proceeded to dig herself into a deeper hole of negativity despite my efforts at treating her with kindness and respect.

I had been having a good day before that, actually meeting one of the most complimentary and appreciative customers and yet when I settled in for the night, this lady’s ridiculous behavior still boiled angrily in my thoughts.

How is it that we can be having the most happy go lucky of days and yet when we think back on how the day went, we remember the one negative experience that stung us the most?

It’s like we only focus on the bad despite a lot of good actually happening. What is it about our brain that allows us to think like that?

It reminds me of a rupi kaur quote:

i hear a thousand kind words about me

and it makes no difference

yet i hear one insult

and all confidence shatters.

-focusing on the negative

The answer lies in the sentence above: focusing.

We choose to let the negativities reside in our thoughts at the end of the day and we choose to believe that they are what determine how our day went.

I know it’s easy for me to sit here and say choose to focus on the positive when in reality, it’s a lot harder to do, but in my experience, making a conscious effort each and every day to write about gratitude, affirmation, goal setting, and positive events that occurred really do start to change your perspective for the better.

Of course there will still be days ahead in which I can’t help but stew in my feelings of despair, but they won’t outweigh the fact that most of my days will be good.

Because while every day may not be a good day, there is good in every day.

With that, I start my day, and icy a lovely day ahead…